Building Effective Work Relationships with Your Male Colleagues

Many are eager to claim men and women are now equal in the workplace, but the fact is that double standards prevail. Amongst the many obstacles women face is the difficulty in developing strong, professional and respectful relationships with male colleagues in a male-dominated office or field. Below are some tips for how to thrive as a female employee in such a workplace.

Understand that communication is different

Women and men are raised to communicate in different ways. The repressing of emotions is enforced as a masculine ideal and often leaves men less likely to express themselves. Women, on the other hand, are expected to openly display emotions like enthusiasm, empathy and distress. It’s not surprising that men are therefore typically more successful in professions where a poker face is advantageous.

Emotional expressions have come to be understood as unprofessional. This leaves us with female professionals over-analysing the seemingly cold, emotionless treatment from their male colleagues, whilst men respect only those women who keep their feelings to themselves.

This is a problematic and unhealthy situation, but there are two steps you can take to reduce its impact upon your relationship with male colleagues. Firstly, realize that your male colleagues blank facial expression or emotionless response needn’t necessarily be interpreted as negative. Secondly, don’t feel you have to repress your own feelings just to fit in – simply learn how to channel those feelings in a coherent and calm manner.

Don’t underestimate yourself

Countless studies of gender roles show the same thing – that women are more likely than men to doubt themselves, underestimate their own ability and refrain from speaking positively about themselves. This is called the ‘female humility, male hubris’ effect.

It’s easy to back down in discussion with men who appear overly self-assured. Similarly, it’s easy to follow the lead of a man who is confident. Just remember that you could be equally, if not more, qualified to make decisions and take the lead. Don’t let your female humility let you refrain from taking charge.

Throw double standards out of the window

Women typically spend twice as much time on their appearance as mean. Dress to impress – but not when impressing means working twice as hard as the men. Sadly, dress codes are just one of many double standards women face in their career. The best thing any professional women can do is to challenge such unfairness as she encounters it. Asking for a pay rise or to take time off work doesn’t mean you are ‘bitchy’ or ‘bossy’ – it makes you confident and driven. Is a male colleague treating you differently because you’re a woman? Is his interaction with your borderline flirtatious? Draw the line at whatever surpasses your comfort zone, and never apologize for doing so.

Don’t let future plans affect your present

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, wrote a best-selling book on female leaders called ‘Lean In’. One of the topics she tackles is an obstacle that many women face when hoping to advance in their career – their plans of starting a family in the future. Sandberg explains that many women choose not to seek a promotion because of what they think may or may not happen in the future. If a woman accepts a promotion when she knows she might want to start a family in the next few years, she may feel guilty or deceitful. Sandberg argues this leads to women wrecking their own careers, and that the possibility of falling pregnant in the near future should not deter women from seeking promotions. Instead, women should focus on the ‘now’ and – when the time well comes that they might want children – they should work with their employer to develop a plan that allows them to leave and return to work as smoothly and practically as possible.