Mega Mushroom Soup

You will need

A large lidded pan. 500g / 1 lb large mushrooms. 2 big ‘eyeleaking’ onions. 65g / 2 1/2oz butter. Big splash of white wine vinegar. 1 heaped tbspn cornflower. 450ml / 3/4 pt chicken or vegetable stock. 750ml / 1 1/4 pts milk. A few children. Paper and crayons (assorted colours) Large tub creme fraiche. Jigsaw. Ground sea salt & ground pepper. Parmesan shavings. Warm french bread to serve. Chilled dry white wine. This is TRULY a dead impressive and SO simple, yummy soup! It’s also ace as a sauce over pasta, or, add thinly sliced chicken breast that has been fried off in a little herby garlic butter, if you prefer a meaty pasta dish. For absolute best results, make it early in the day and have for lunch or better still, supper – just like we top women, it gets better with age! Here we go!

Wearing sealable safely goggles from your DIY toolbox, peel and very finely chop your onions! Place the butter in a large pan and melt on gentle heat. Add the onions and continue with a gentle heat until they are nice and soft, but not brown. While they are on the go, rub clean with kitchen towel and finely chop your tub of mushies. Add them to the pot and stir well. Tell any children in the room you are not an alien and that you are wearing the glasses for a bit of fun….send them off in the direction of paper and crayons you placed on the table, earlier. Cook on a medium heat now until you hear the mix sizzle!

Add a couple of splashes of the white wine vinegar, stir well, put lid on the pot and turn the heat off for 10 minutes to sweat the flavour out of your mushies! Sit down with a cup of tea and assorted children. Do a nice drawing of Buzz Lightyear, colour in as necessary. Listen to kids joking that YOU look like Buzz in the silly glasses and finally remove, returning then to DIY toolbox. Start the kids off with a nice jigsaw – this buys you a good 10 minutes – add the cornflower and give it a major stir. Put lid back on and go help find the 4 corners of jigsaw, getting them started off with the frame…Return to a gentle heat and stir continuously for a few minutes. Add the stock a little at a time, stirring continuously, until its all in.

Add the milk too and turn up the heat. Stirring all the time, reduce the liquid a little and you should start to see the soup thicken too. All attention is needed at this point, so direct nattering children to milk and cookies, hiding behind strategically placed cereal box. At this point, if no children to hand, you can replace them with husbands or boyfriends. Add the tub of creme fraiche, stir well and season according to taste, but recommended LARGE turns of the pepper mill will not leave you disappointed. Lid the pot and leave for as long as you can cope with the delicious smell. When ready to serve, warm the bread in a hot oven for 2 minutes just to crisp it up and make your kitchen smell like a bakery, splice, put on plates, then ladle soup into warm bowls on warm plates. Garnish soup with long, thin shavings of parmesan cheese and serve ideally with a nice dry white wine! VOILA!!! This is a fabulous but very filling first course. Do not follow with anything too heavy. Suggest a colourful plate of Mediterranean roasted veg. and rainbow salad, followed by cream stuffed, chocolate covered prunes and home made strawberry ice cream.