8 Ways To Deal With A Divorce
You are finally divorced! What’s next? It is perfectly normal to have a lot of thoughts running through your mind on what to do next. However, it is important to realize that you will need to take a number of things into consideration. Whether you’re in the process of being divorced or you have already been divorced, you need to understand quite a number of things. For instance, were you for or against the divorce in the first place? Are you the one who filed the divorce or is it your partner. What about the kids; did they get what is best for them? Take it from an experienced victim with an expert divorce attorney’s seconding, the end of a marriage can be a highly stressful situation.
At first, you will comfort yourself and say that you are not the first person to go through a divorce. What you need to remember is that this is your situation and not anyone else’s. In most, if not all cases, you will need to be ready to deal with the post-divorce complications by yourself. But emotional support always comes in handy. You might also overlook the importance of having a support network and get tempted to think that you can handle it on your own. Remember, you’ve lived with your ex-husband or ex-wife for a really long time, and then it suddenly happens that you will not be living with them anymore. This can lead to an emotional catastrophe in itself. It even gets worse when there are children involved and you happen to have lost custody. The emotional burden can be draining. Whichever the circumstances, you’ll need to adjust to the new situation.
More of tips rather than strategies, here are 8 ways to deal with divorce before, during, and after the entire ordeal.
Keep in touch with your divorce lawyer
If you are in the process of getting a divorce or being divorced, then you need to work closely with your divorce attorney, and this implies sharing with them every single detail about your marital relationship. Before filing the matter in a court, it is essential to consult your divorce attorney to find out if there are any other alternatives to divorce, especially in cases where you anticipate that the divorce process may have a lot of negative impact in your life currently or in the future. If there are better alternatives, your divorce attorney will point them out and assist you to pursue them.
Also, telling your divorce attorney everything that has been going on in your marriage is essential. This will come in handy when your divorce lawyer prepares their submissions to argue your case in court as well as when they’re trying to make the two of you come to an agreement. If there are properties that you need to disclose and that might be of significant consideration in case the divorce is successful, it is important to let your divorce attorney know. Keeping your divorce attorney aware of the complications of your marriage and what could have possibly caused one of the partners (or both in the case of an uncontested divorce) to consider divorce will help the lawyer find solutions and probably help keep your marriage.
2. Expect anything
When dealing with divorce cases, it is also important to be open-minded. The outcome may be shocking and not actually what you expected it to be even in cases where both parties have agreed to a divorce. In case you’re the one pushing for separation, it is important to be prepared on what to do in case the court rules in your partner’s favor. On the flip-side of the coin, you need to think about the possibility of the divorce being successful (if you’re the one against it) regardless of how much you did not want it to happen. If the reasons for the divorce are complicated, your attorney will prepare you for the various possible outcomes. A divorce can go either way.
3. Take it easy and heal
More often than not, the end of marriage comes with a lot of stress and psychological turmoil. For this reason, you might end up making irrational decisions. And to be honest, this is just about the worst time to make the wrong choices. Irrational decisions when dealing with a divorce can end up costing you a lot. It’s thus important to take things easy, accepts things as they are and focus on moving on with your life. What if you wanted the divorce and it really happened, what do you do? Should you start dating immediately? Well, as much as this can provide some temporary emotional gratification, relationship expert’s advice is against dating immediately after your relationship is over. There are a couple of ways to know when you’re ready to date after a divorce, so take your time and take things easy. Take your time to make logical decisions instead of decisions out of emotions – patience can really come in handy during this stage of your life. In addition to the above, it is important to give yourself time to heal.
4. Find a support network
Most divorce attorneys always have groups or even therapists that they can suggest to you. Instead of sitting in the house mourning and having regrets, it pays to spend most of your time interacting, especially with fellow divorcees and experienced professionals on the matter. Ask around to find out if there are any support groups around your local area. You, however, need to be very selective when choosing a support network group. You can even work with more than one group just make sure that you find a group or network that you will be comfortable in.
Also, it is not unusual for divorcees to end up losing friends, especially if it was a contested divorce. If you were friends with your partner’s friends, it pays to be ready to lose quite a number of them. If you are working with a therapist, it is important to be committed and consistent. You might feel like giving up, especially during the first days. Nothing blossoms immediately and therapy is a process. You’ll need to give it your all and have a dedicated commitment to it. In a nutshell, support networks may include:
- Friends
- Colleagues
- Relatives
- Support groups
- Therapists
5. Redefine yourself
For a multifaceted person, a divorce may not be so painful to deal with. On the other hand, if your role in the marriage was nothing more than a spouse, the thought of being divorced can really be crushing. As part of coping with the situation, you can explore your untapped areas and find a new hobby. You can try new things and not necessarily hobbies. These may include spending more time with your pet, going for walks down the street, strolls at the beach, or pretty much anything that eases your mind and relaxes your nerves.
6. Minimize the impact on your kids
When dealing with a divorce and you have children, it is crucial to realize that kids are innocent. In essence, you need not involve them in the complications that divorce may come with. Keep your children off the trauma. In fact, sometimes your children need not notice that anything wrong is going on between their parents, especially if they’re in their tender ages. Divorce affects children in various ways. In some instances, one partner may have been violent during the marriage. This, however, does not make him or her less of a parent to the children. Children need to grow up with both parents and denying them, this may have a lot of negative psychological impact in the future. As much as you might be going through a hard time, it is crucial that you make it easy for the kids.
In most cases, though, it is important to recognize that the kids will have to live with one parent. You need to find a way to explain this to them. If it is a case where you really wanted the divorce, you also need to realize that the kids did not want a divorce. In case the court makes a ruling that one of the parents will be living with the kids and the other party has to see them every once-in-a-while, it will be your responsibility to figure out how to make it work. It, therefore, goes without saying that you will still have to keep in touch with your ex-partner. In an uncontested marriage, the arrangement might be simple while in a contested married, one of the partners might be unwilling to give the other an opportunity to spend time with the kids.
Nonetheless, the buck stops with you when it comes to your kids’ welfare after a divorce. Bear in mind that the kids have a future ahead of them and work towards giving them the best they can get. And without question, one such thing is parental love, not from one parent but both. As much as you might not want to talk to your ex-partner, you will have to do it for the kids, however much you might feel hatred for him or her.
When dealing with kids, it is also important to note that they will need support. If you have been given the responsibility of catering for their needs, disregard your pride and act accordingly. The divorce was between you and your ex-partner and not between you and your kids. The point here is to make sure that the kids live the same good life and enjoy the same things that they used to before the marriage came to an end and courts will always take this into considerations. A good divorce lawyer also understands that this is a sensitive part and they will always act in the best interest of the children in case the marriage comes to an end.
7. Take a vacation
After a divorce, especially one that you did not want to happen, you might need a distraction from the ordeal. Taking a vacation can be a great, effective distraction that won’t distract you from the reality. Going for a vacation is one of the best ways to cope with stressful situations. Unlike when you are on vacation, staying in the house will make you start thinking of the things that you could have done to save your marriage. In fact, you might end up getting sick out of stress. This is not good for you. Concentrating too much on the past and things that you should have done better will not really help. It’s done and it is what it is; you need to move on!
8. Stay healthy
You are divorced! This does isn’t the end of the world. It shouldn’t stop you from taking good care of yourself. Especially now that you may be going through a psychological breakdown, your health is the most important wealth you can ever get, and you will need to be careful when it comes to this. Some people may take to drinking alcohol and consuming other substances after a divorce under the false belief that this will help them in dealing with the post-divorce trauma. On the contrary, it does not. As a matter of fact, substance abuse can even bring more health problems. Understand that divorce is not the end of the world for you. You still have a future, which can be brighter depending on the decisions and choices you make now. Additionally, you need to eat right, exercise more, and get enough sleep. Regardless of how overwhelming your emotional pain may seem, going for days without food will only make things worse. Why not try taking up cooking as a hobby during this time? A combination of eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep will make you energetic enough to cope with any rolling stones that marriage resolution might cast toward you.
In summary, approaching divorce with an open mind is a critical thing. It can be difficult just before, during, and after the process, but you can always get through it, come out strong, and even lead a better life than the one you were living during the marriage. It takes courage, consistency, commitment, and strong advice from good divorce lawyers. Hopefully, the above tips will help you deal with your divorce strong and get on with your life as soon as reasonably possible.
