Book Review: Action Plan for Living with an Alcoholic
A Survival Guide for Partners and Spouses
“This is your life, make it a good one!”
Like passive smokers, those living with an alcoholic develop traits associated with the stress of alcoholism and though they are not the ones actually drinking, they do display recognisable symptoms such as ‘hiding the truth’, ‘becoming isolated’ and ‘giving up’. Lilly Laine knows these symptoms only too well as she herself is the recovered spouse of an alcoholic. Having taken that rocky journey with her beloved husband, she recognised that spouses /partners of alcoholics need help just like their loved ones. Hence the book Action Plan for Living With An Alcoholic: A Survival Guide for Partners and Spouses. Laine is quick to point out that this self-help guide is not a bedtime read, but a call to action for the affected persons, to help them learn how to “live life to the fullest while still living with (their) alcoholic loved one.”
This Action Plan comes complete with written exercises,‘Calls to Action’ and ‘Golden Keys’ that unlock each phase of the process be it finding therapy in a support group, or helping your alcoholic dependent by exercising ‘tough love’. In addition, there are explanations to help spouses/partners understand the mental illness of addiction including the downward spiral caused by the disease; and answers to questions such as ‘Are You Living With An Alcoholic?’and ‘Am I Mentally Unwell Too?’
Laine’s years of experience shines in how she addresses each issue in a straightforward, uncomplicated manner as she takes the reader down a logical path of recovery which is cleverly symbolised by the glass of alcohol at the beginning of each chapter. This illustrated glass starts out full at the Introduction where Laine gives a classic description of the mental state of spouses/partners who are ‘filled’ with all the stress-related anxieties, paranoia, pain and anger; and the glass is slowly ‘drained’throughout the book as each issue is addressed, until Sobriety at the end when the glass is completely empty. Spouses/ partners are cautioned however, that although a celebrated phase, living past sobriety comes with its own challenges especially when they can’t use alcoholism as an excuse for problems that still exist.
Of paramount importance throughout this recovery process, for both alcoholics and their spouses/partners, is the well-being of the latter. Laine emphasises this with the excellent example of the emergency instructions usually given at the start of all flights, which is to attend to your own mask first, then help those around you.Spouses/partners who remain in the darkness of secrecy, bitterness and insecurity are of no use to their alcoholic dependants. Laine encourages the affected spouses/partners to make healthy lifestyle choices; empower themselves; and deal with taking second place to alcohol in their toxic relationships. She also has strong advice when physical abuse is involved!
So…after the bewilderment of “This isn’t How Life Was supposed To Be”, to “Taking Responsibility”, and the therapy of paying attention to YOU by focusing on your “Mental Health” and mustering up the “Courage to Change”,you get to the point where you realize that you aren’t a victim; and that the only one stopping you from achieving your life goals is you, not the alcoholic; and that you and your recovering spouse/partner can survive long after sobriety because you NOW know that…“both happiness and change come from within and you CAN learn and grow from EVERYTHING you experience in this life.”
