Book Review: Diary of Divorce – for Women & Men, by Tracey West

The Pen is Certainly Mightier than the Sword.

In the school of Life, one takes the test first and learns the lesson afterwards. Diary of Divorce: for Women and Men is birthed out of author Tracey West’s own experience in which she found therapy in penning her emotions, passions and thoughts pre, during and post her divorce. She now invites both women and men going through a similar experience to fill the pages of this self-help journal thereby not only transforming them into ‘writers’ but helping them to discover,like her, that “the pen is far mightier than the sword and healthier than pies and pints.”

West’s upbeat approach to such a devastating experience is reflected in the irony of the cover design where the soft, curly font and romantic hearts which normally suggest marital bliss, are used as backdrops to journal the ending of a marriage. West’s confident message here is one of hope and liberation. “The dark days will end” when one comes out on the other side of divorce.

More therapeutic than talking about one’s pain and experience is writing about it. One has to dig deep to unearth the possible genesis of the rotting marriage so that the healing process can be successful.  Thejournal pulls out the guck and the dark painful side of the divorce process whichis a strong reminder that divorce can be a horrible nightmare (spousal abuse included). The book provides an avenue for yelling and screaming on pages like ‘Master of Disaster’ and ‘Sweet Taste of Revenge’; exploring the first time ‘divorce’ entered one’s marriage on the‘The Final Dawn’ page; pouring out one’s heart on the ‘Tissue Alert’ page; and laying down one’shurt on the ‘Bed Head’ page; until one cancelebrateon pages like ‘D-Day Listing’ and ‘Time to Branch Out’.

The journal replicates the divorce process on several levels in that it helps the ‘writers’to not only deal with the emotional pain and trauma of the divorce, but to concurrently focus on the practical side of the process by providing checklists of important information such as the lawyer’s contact details, names of support groups, pension and property valuations and even details one never thinks about such as“how are your animals going to be divided?”

Mindful that such an experience can rock one’s self esteem, West encourages self-reflection and forgiveness on the ‘Self-Affirmation Space’. Also on the therapeutic list are furthering ones education;discovering strengths you never realised you had until the split; coming to terms with ‘falling out of love’;entertaining thoughts of a new partner; apologising to one’s ex; how the experience may affected one’s kids; and coping tips.

Having gone past the tears and the pain, and the all-important phase of closure, when one is on the other side of the divorce, the author encourages the divorcee to…

“Learn from what occurred

In the words penned above

And whatever you do

Don’t lose faith in love.”