Coping with Divorce Stress
Marriage is an Institution in which two individuals jointly agree to live together lifelong, cherish the togetherness, enjoy each other’s companionship, give and take love and affection, gratify each other, get children through the relationship, make them successful good citizens and lead a complete fulfilling life till the end.
Unfortunately everyone is not blessed with a happy married life and people opt out of this in their own separate paths for various social and personal reasons. Though it is a tough decision to choose separate ways and depart, people are forced to this drastic step; when they no longer find a meaning in their living together it is better to disperse instead of continuously inflicting pain on the other.
Definitely it is very difficult to accept the harsh truth of rejection and the associated hatred; it takes a toll on the physical and mental health. Unable to bear the tremendous mental stress the individual tries to introspect and find the causes for it. The individual starts feeling lonely, desperate, worthless, incompatible, unlucky, guilty, violent and depressed. The painful thoughts and experiences keep on reminding the individual about his wrong or hasty decision. Sometimes people resort to addiction of liquor and drugs. They tend to be self-destructive; they want to punish themselves. They have to seek clinical help, counseling, get emotional support from friends and relatives, fix a new goal in life and gradually start a meaningful life. Mostly men cope up with such situation faster and with vengeance start a new life and get the satisfaction of having won the life.
From the perspective of a woman the added stress depends upon two factors:
1. Her financial independence/dependence.
2. If there are children through the marriage who will take care of them.
The natural corollary is younger children will be under the care of the mother. A conflict arises between the individual’s ego/self-respect and the security. The woman has to seek legal assistance and get the due maintenance for the well being of the children; she has to wish to lead the life with self-respect and dignity. The woman has to mingle with society to forget her painful memories. There is every chance of the person falling into the pit of self-pity, anger, hatred, disbelief, disinterest in life, fear, agony, frustration and sometimes even suicidal tendency. Immediate family members and friends should offer enormous emotional support and reasonable financial support so as to inculcate the mental strength in the individual’s mind to pass through the stressful times with less strain and pain.
In fact the children of broken families are worst affected; they feel cheated, victimized and cursed. Some children become loners, shun away from the society, do not make friends, get into the trap of addiction and wrong unhealthy relationships. They too need counseling, understanding love and affection from the friends and relatives.
The single parent should view the children as a hold – as a great purpose and meaning of life, instead of an encumbrance or burden. The single parent must gather mental strength , improve knowledge and skill, become financially and emotionally independent and focus on the children’s wellbeing, growth and development. The single parent and the children can mutually be a source of love, affection, courage, mental strength and emotional support.
Life is a journey; for some people the path is full of thorns – never mind, throw them away and continue the journey cautiously; there is a rose plant blooming with colorful roses at the end of the road.