6 Best Practices When It Comes To Co-Parenting
Being divorced with a child might be difficult at first, especially when the breakup just happened recently, or if the separation was not exactly a mutual decision. While it might take some time for you to heal from the process, you shouldn’t forget that your child needs to feel safe, secure, and stable. In other words, you must make sure that your children understand that, as parents, you’re still with them to provide the support and attention they deserve. With that said, you and your ex-partner must be able to co-parent effectively.
Co-parenting will allow your child to feel more at peace and realize that everything’s okay and they didn’t lose any of their parents from the divorce process. But if you’re having trouble sorting a co-parenting method, you should consider looking for a family lawyer through websites like pearsonslawyers.com.au, for example, and they should be able to help you with how you can make the whole thing work.
Moreover, listed below are some of the best practices you should know when it comes to co-parenting:
- Don’t Fight In Front Of Your Children
No matter how tense a situation is, you should always try your best to keep your children away from any disagreements and fights with your ex-partner. The more you contradict your partner in front of your child, the more that your child thinks you’re a broken and dysfunctional family. This will cause more negative feelings for your children, and they may even start to become more withdrawn.
Even if the situation is complicated, you should always try to put on your good parent hat in front of your children. You can just discuss your disagreements with your ex-partner when your children are at school or somewhere else.
- Don’t Involve Your Children In Your Disagreements
Your arguments with your partner should stay with you as an adult. No matter how frustrated you are with your former partner, you should never bad-mouth them in front of your children. You should try to separate how they are as a parent and how they are as a partner. You should allow your children to enjoy their parents without having to cloud their minds with your negative opinions.
Ideally, you should always keep the other parent’s image of your child clean and healthy. No matter how much you dislike your ex-partner, how they act as a parent to your child shouldn’t be tainted with a bad image in your child’s head. Never speak ill of your ex-partner and allow them to be a good parent during their time with the kids.
- Don’t Turn Your Kids Into Personal Messengers
Sometimes, with a messy divorce, you may want to avoid seeing and talking with your partner at all costs. While it might be an excellent idea for your well-being, you should refrain from using your child as a messenger to pass a message to your ex-partner. The main idea is to keep your child away from being in the middle as it can put pressure and cause trauma on the child. No matter how rough things get, you should never involve your child in any conflicts that you and your ex-partner have.
If you need to say something to your ex-partner, call or e-mail them directly. If you still cannot handle speaking with them, you can ask a trusted adult who can send the message for you. At all costs, you should never use your children, even if they’re convenient.
- Be Positive About Their Stay With Their Other Parent
While it might be challenging to see your kids away and having fun with the other parent during the weekend, you should try to be optimistic about the situation and allow them to feel less guilty about the situation. If your children are having fun with the other parent and they could see that you’re not happy about it, they might think that they’re failing you, putting them in a rough and confusing situation.
Every time your child goes home from their other parent, you should ask them how their day has been and what are the things that they do. You can complement how fun their day was and how much you’re happy that they get to spend some quality time with their parent. In this way, they can feel good about the day without necessarily feeling guilty for spending time with the other parent.
- Focus On Your Child
Even if things are patchy between you and your former partner, you should always focus on your child and put their best interest first. Ideally, you should listen to what your child wants and try to find a way to make it happen. Even if it might be difficult for you to send your child to their other parent for a holiday, you should set them free and allow them to make their own decisions.
It’s tough seeing your child prefer the other parent. While you cannot force their affection to lean towards you, you should try to be more supportive about what they want to happen and never shed a bad light about it. You could just look for ways to form a stronger bond with your child without having to drive them away from the other parent.
- Communicate With Your Former Partner In A Healthy Way
To avoid any future conflicts with your former partner, you should communicate with them about your plans for co-parenting. This will include how many days you get to spend with them for the week and which holidays they should be with.
For a safer and well-balanced option, you could alternate the holidays they get to spend with each parent. In this way, you don’t have to miss out on special holidays such as Christmas and New Year.
Make sure the rules and schedules are set clearly in a way that each parent can arrive on time. Moreover, you could also communicate about their educational plans and child support, especially since these are vital for your child’s future.
Conclusion
After divorcing your partner, you only stopped being a spouse but not being a parent. While it might be difficult for you to set your differences and allow your child to be with their other parent, you should remind yourself that it’s primarily for your child’s well-being. After the divorce, your relationship with your child should never change. Try to make them feel that they didn’t lose their parents as both you and your partner are still there with them as they grow up.
