Dealing with a Stalker: 3 Ways to Stay Safe

Stalking is a very real and disturbing crime, especially in the digital age we live in now. More than 7.5 million women and men are stalked every year in the United States and this figure is just the reported cases. Stalkers can follow or spy on you in person, but they may also cyber-stalk you online and cause much anxiety and fear if they are malicious in their social media stalking.

The National Center for Victims of Crime defines stalking as “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” This includes approaching the victim or showing up in places when the victim didn’t want them to be there; making unwanted phone calls; leaving the victim unwanted messages (text, voice, email); and watching or following the victim from a distance, or spying on the victim with a listening device, camera, or global positioning system. It can also include stalking the victim or making threats through social media such as Facebook, Snapchat, or Instagram, or through personal texts or emails.

Although being stalked is a scary situation, there are ways you can make yourself safer if you think you are being stalked by someone you know or a stranger. Here are three important ways to keep yourself safe during this difficult time:

1. End the relationship as soon as you see signs.
   Obsessiveness goes hand in hand with stalking behavior, so if your date or partner becomes overly obsessed with or possessive of you, pay attention. Recognizing the early signs of a very controlling or possessive personality should be a red flag when it comes to relationships. Abusive people are also intent on isolating their partners from everyone, including your friends and family, so be aware if you see this pattern of behavior emerge. Be firm and decisive and do not let him or her try to manipulate or charm you back into the relationship. The sooner and more definitively you end things with a person like this, the less likely you will be a victim of stalking.
2. Keep a record or log of every time you have contact with the stalker.
   Be sure to also document any police reports you have already filed. Save every e-mail, text message, photo, and post on social networking sites as evidence of the disturbing behavior. Trust your gut and document everything. The more evidence you have of the stalking behavior, the faster you can get a restraining or civil protection order or any other legal action that may be necessary. This includes taking pictures of any gifts or letters he or she has sent you, documenting when he or she shows up at your home or office, and taking screen shots of any and all contact through social media.
3. Most importantly, protect yourself at all times.
   This could mean installing an alarm system, getting a trained guard dog, removing any shrubbery that can be used to hide behind, installing video cameras around your property, asking security guards or friends to walk you safely to your car, be aware of what you are throwing away because your trash may be rifled through, writing down license plate numbers of any cars you see following you, and definitely contacting the police when you feel threatened so they understand the seriousness of the situation. You may also want to consider getting a weapon and learning how to use it, even if it just gives you peace of mind.

Stalkers attempt to control their victims by instilling fear in them, often to where you no longer feel safe anywhere. Don’t allow them to make you a prisoner in your own home…contact the authorities and any outreach centers such as the National Center for Victims of Crime for more information on how to handle such behavior. Reach out to your local police department and ask for increased patrols in your neighborhood as well as filing whatever statements or orders you need to make yourself feel safe. You may also want to consider hiring your own private investigatorto accumulate evidence against your stalker. Having this documented evidence from a neutral third party as well as your own meticulous records can really help in stopping your stalker.“Wehave many resources at their disposal that can help when you are looking for evidence against someone” says PI Darrin Giglio of North American Investigations. They can discreetly follow the person, and use surveillance, interviews, and digital research to prove that your stalker is making threats, communicating with you, following you, collecting information on you, or is otherwise acting in a way that is causing you fear.